


It Slices! It Dices!

by squidgie



Series: Squidgie's CommentFic Fills [6]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M, those wacky Ancients
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:41:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26701591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidgie/pseuds/squidgie
Summary: There's been a new lab uncovered, and Rodney's spent all his time down there, so John goes to investigate.
Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Series: Squidgie's CommentFic Fills [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1935178
Comments: 16
Kudos: 41
Collections: Bite Sized Bits of Fic, Bite Sized Bits of Fic from 2020





	It Slices! It Dices!

**Author's Note:**

> For the comment_fic prompt: Stargate Atlantis, John Sheppard/Rodney McKay, "Why would the Ancients make a machine that did that?"
> 
> Plus, I'm just gonna apologize now. For reasons.

An excursion into Atlantis' long-abandoned corridors had found a few Ancient labs that had been submerged for eons, which kept the scientists busy. These trips were usually great for Atlantis because whatever the expedition could improve or weaponize in their fight against the Wraith was desperately needed.

The only problem with it was that John was bored. The Wraith had been quiet for weeks, and Atlantis had come to a steady ebb and flow of everyday life that was so calming, it set his teeth on edge. Plus, he rarely saw Rodney unless one or both of them were horizontal. Rodney usually showed up after John had packed it in for the night, and was rarely in bed when John woke up the next morning. And not to complain about their sex life, but John was used to waking up rutting against Rodney. But these days, it was just a Rodney smelling pillow.

When Rodney missed yet another lunch, John checked in with Lorne and then went down into the catacombs. He instinctively knew his way around, whether it was his innate knowledge of the city, or the city herself gently guiding him to where Rodney was (probably the latter) getting him closer to his destination. The voices echoed off the empty corridors until he found the lab where Rodney and Radek had been holed up, along with a few new Marines. "Hey, Rodney. Doctor Z," John said as he sauntered in, feeling a layer of stress fall away from him when he saw Rodney's smile. "How's it going?"

Before an answer came from either scientist, John looked to the counter where his hip rested and found what looked to be a tray of marbles. Hundreds of them in a multitude of colors, reminding him of his childhood. "Explosive? Radioactive? Fragile?"

Radek huffed out a laugh, and Rodney smiled. "Definitely _not_ ," he said just as John put his hand into the tray, picking up a few before examining them before letting a few drop from his hand back to the tray. He pulled a couple of them close and studied them. They were heavy for their size and had markings, not unlike the cat's eye marbles that he'd treasured and traded as a kid. He and his brother had passed a lot of time in conference rooms playing marbles after his mother had died, so there was a bit of comfort that came with them.

"They're a _medical device_ ," Radek replied. 

Rodney tutted as he shook his head. "Medical device, he says." Rodney turned his attention from Radek to John, "They're designed for gastrointestinal and genitourinary scoping, and _oh my god_ why did you just sniff that?"

John had. He _had_ just sniffed the marble-like thing he held, and for the life of him, he had no idea why. So he shrugged, then dropped the marble-looking devices back into the tray. "GI and Genitourinary," he repeated. "So, like, you pop one of these in your mouth and swallow it, and it works its way..."

The way Radek was snickering at the second table told John he was wrong. _Very_ wrong. "Why the hell would the Ancients make a machine that did _that_?" he asked as he picked up another one of the devices and studied it.

"Well, first of all, it's a less invasive way for men to get their prostates checked-" Rodney started.

John interrupted him, though he kept his voice low. "Pretty sure we took care of that ourselves, Rodney."

There was the sound of an instrument crashing against the heavy-duty surface of the back counter, so no. He _wasn't_ as quiet as he thought he had been. "What?" John asked Zelenka as he started for the door, plastering an innocent look on his face.

"Is lunchtime," Radek replied as he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to get something to eat." He turned, then continued, muttering, "And then maybe set myself on fire before coming back."

John laughed as Rodney just shook his head fondly.

"Did I mention that these have a second use? A completely different algorithm from medical diagnostics?" he said, voice much quieter. 

"So, what," John said as he grabbed a handful and leaned closer to Rodney, "like programmable anal beads?"

Rodney just smiled in response.

John stuffed a few more in his pockets, then closed Rodney's laptop. "Think now's a good time for a break?"

Rodney grabbed himself a handful and then led John out of the lab and back toward their quarters.


End file.
